I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP

“Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.” 

Luke 8:52

I fought with what I had in me just to get back to where you are- the place where I left you.  I admit I thought it was only momentary, I now see my separation was more permanent than temporary.  Every part of me that was whole came apart.  I swung my greatest punch before being knocked down by my opponent.  He was greater than me- greater than the You I supposed was in me.  How overwhelmed I felt and was when I discovered I merely had a form of godliness but no power.  I now recall Paul saying, "I no longer live..." but I wished I had not forgotten his words beyond that.   (Pause.)  "But Christ," Paul continued.  Maybe I had not forgotten those two words, "but Christ"; Now I see that I just did not use them effectively.  You see, I continued to make excuses using those exact words, "But Christ, it's too hard"; "But Christ, I can't"; But Christ..."  In this very moment that I am existing, I desperately want to live what Paul penned, "But Christ who lives in me" but I cannot.  The heaviness of this world has pressed me beneath the earth.  So how do I push up when I am so far under?  Have mercy on me, I pray, and use your powerful word like a spade and dig me out of this once hollow grave.  My only hope is knowing that if it had not been for the separation of my spirit from my flesh, the same flesh that I am buried in, that made me fall, I would be eternally fastened to this enemy clinging to my bones.

Will you reach into the ground that was formed by your breath and rescue me from the noise of this death that surrounds me?  And Father, if by chance that there is still something in me that can be lifted up from this sunken hole, let it be my heart being lifted to you; the heart that I had given to you long ago.  If it is still possible, fuse my heart with your heart so that you and I are one.  The very thing you have desired for us since before I was formed in my mother's womb.  I pray, please don't tell me it's too late.  Please don't tell me it's impossible especially to you for whom nothing is impossible.  (Breath.) 

Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If i should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.